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Burn My Shadow: A Selective Memory of an X-Rated Life, by Tyler Knight
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Review
"...what shines most in this memoir is the sincerity with which Knight delivers these sometimes appalling, always eye-opening glimpses into an industry that many of us will probably never get a firsthand look into."―The Rumpus"Make no mistake, this memoir is unlike any memoir you’ll ever read―pornographic or otherwise."―Litreactor's Bookshots"Tyler is a fantastic writer who holds his pen with the same confidence that a samurai holds his sword."―Xtube"Tyler Knight sets the new standard for pornographic biographies, serving more of a sophisticated and informative work of genius than a mere collection of rumors and scandals..."―Consciousness Magazine
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Review
"Tyler has one of the craziest life stories I've ever heard—and to top it off, he can really write. It's a rare thing for someone to both have something to say, and be able to say it well, but Tyler does."—Tucker Max, #1 New York Times Bestselling author of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and Time magazine candidate for World's Most Influential People, 2009"A great, but disturbing read!"—Joe Rogan, UFC commentator, Host of NBC's Fear Factor, and The Rogan Experience Podcast"Burn My Shadow is poignant, gritty, and blunt."—Stoya, Former Digital Playground contract star, multiple AVN winner, and resident sex columnist for The Verge"Tyler has never fit the typical mold of 'porno guy.' He's great looking but he isn't a meathead. His sensitivity, curiosity and introspectiveness are what make him so appealing."—Oriana Small, author of Girlvert: A Porno Memoir"Burn My Shadow is at once bleak, heartfelt, and funny. Tyler Knight's inside look at the adult film industry has made me not wanna be a porn star."—Jude Angelini, Author of Hyena and co-host of Sirius Satellite Radio's, The All Out Show"Tyler Knight’s scalding and eye-opening memoir, Burn My Shadow, may well do for the sex industry what Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle did for meat-packing—with the difference that the author, a porn actor who writes like a cross between Ralph Ellison and Celine, actually packed his own meat. At once a full-frontal meditation on 21st Century American celebrity and an up-close, blow-by-blow of life as the ultimate first person shooter, Burn My Shadow’s real shock is not its Triple X-centric content, but the deep heart, wild-ass humor and fearless humanity of the writing itself. The perfect anecdote to literary memoir fatigue, Burn My Shadow is a truly unique, genre-defying, un-put-downable triumph."—Jerry Stahl, author of Permanent Midnight and Old Guy Dad
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Product details
Paperback: 328 pages
Publisher: Rare Bird Books, A Barnacle Book (November 29, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1942600690
ISBN-13: 978-1942600695
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.8 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.8 out of 5 stars
55 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#1,302,478 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
As a big fan of some of this century's great porno memoirs, such as Oriana Small's "Girlvert" and Christopher Zeischegg's "Body To Job", I was greatly impressed by Tyler Knight's "Burn My Shadow". In fact, I would say that it now holds the crown as my favorite porno memoir that exists. It's cohesive flow is quite impeccable, and has just about zero lulls. I read the entire book on a flight from New York to Los Angeles, having no desire to take any breaks.As someone who's had experience working as a porn performer myself, I can say that I've never seen anyone so willing to shine such a spotlight on the negative elements of working as a male pornstar, just as much, if not more, than the positives. Tyler Knight was the perfect man for the job as he seems to share a similar mental plague with me: what could be seen as the most minuscule detail to others has a tendency to very quickly eclipse all other elements of a scenario if not dealt with immediately. He takes these tiny bothers and expands upon them for pages, effectively expanding them into entire anxiety-ridden worlds of their own - a seamless translation of how those experiences actually feel in reality for people who have a tendency to get crippled by our own minds.My favorite thing about the book is simply Tyler's narrative voice. He is completely unafraid to expose his own selfishness and/or vulgarity. It is my opinion that we all have this side to us, though it's very rare we witness someone so willing to share it with us. He comes off like a tank on a battleground, like a not-so-friendly person, but he is well aware of it, and it makes for a fascinating study. I admit that my palette of literary references is limited compared to many more committed readers, but there were many times where I thought of Charles Bukowski while reading this. Not many writers can so achieve so much through such raw, sincere cynicism - but Knight is on that kind of stride here. It's stupendous!
Tyler Knight chronicles his adventures in LA’s Silicone Valley: working his way from a lowly mope (in the infamous “Bukkake†story) to a full-fledged porn star. On the way, he faces seedy characters, such as a director who wants to have a white woman call him the N word during a scene. It’s not racist, the director argues; it’s porn!The industry can be degrading (some passages made me gag) and negligent of its workers’ health and safety. But how is this different from many other jobs? At an office job, a man dies of a heart attack but no one stops to help him—time is money, after all.Tyler writes with a minimalist style that reminds me of Bret Easton Ellis and Chuck Palahniuk—but Tyler makes it his own. He really knows how to construct a scene and put you in the “middle of the action,†so to speak.Burn my Shadow has a lot of gross-out moments and pornographic scenes, but ultimately it’s a very inspiring book about the human struggle. Loved the ending.
Might have benefited from coming to this book with no preconceived ideas, something that's fitting for reading about a person's life. A person doesn't know what's around the corner and from the first pages we're there looking over Knight's shoulder, seeing what he sees and just as destabilized. Even when things seem to be going well, we never know if the next scene will be his first or last. As the industry changes around him, as his body's tolerance grows and his medications double, it's not guaranteed that there will be another call, and that tension persists throughout this *fast* 300 page book. To me reading this book you can begin to understand what a precarious existence he lived, and yet one way or another he manages to thread the needle (pun intended).A writer having lived these exploits could easily have filled this work with a surface-level retelling focused on the most lurid details, and yes this book has that and yes that's why many fans might choose to pick it from the shelf to buy, but Knight has much more of a story to tell than that. His passion for reflection and literature is clear on each page. You can tell a great deal of effort went into finding the mot juste and that he is drawing on a big reservoir of language and grey matter. This is a work that wasn't written in a hurry, but you can tell these experiences--alternating between joyful, harrowing, revolting, suspenseful, and sometimes all four at once(!), showing how his need for survival took precedence over his ambivalence time and again--have been continuously relitigated in his mind ever since they first happened. In the memoir you're there with him, thinking through all these things with him, weighing different options and then anxiously waiting with him to see what might be the consequences.The book is very honest, whether channeling his rage and despair or showing the big successes and weaknesses. In a way, it's as much us the leering reader ogling through the window as it is him inviting one to see, and he uses that power dynamic to tell us what he really thinks, like it or not. For the first hundred pages it's difficult for us to know how much he enjoyed any of this. The focus seems to be the paycheck and the girls secondary. Then he'd have these superlatively blissful encounters, rare enough, when he and the person with him are able to break through the clouds and have an ecstatic moment of connection. At those points you're happy and jealous, but then another few pages and this uneasy peace is rent again by turmoil.While reading this, I was in the midst of preparing for the Army PT test and weigh-in. In such moments you're most aware of how Big Army owns your body and you better do what you must, if only to keep them off your back. As a military musician, however, I was also aware that I was in this position from having made a devil's bargain: I do what I love for a living, all the while knowing there'd always be a fly in the ointment. It'll never be a perfect gig but it's a gig, and many times will come where you hate the parts of the bargain that are so far removed from playing music. Carrying a plastic container to the men's room while a Sergeant watches you pee, all the while knowing that there's no avoiding this. But then you get the moments where the crowd is singing along with you, you and the drummer are locked in and a handful of people are moved to tears. Before accepting the job, I had the thought : you say you'll do anything to be able to play guitar for a living. Well, are you willing to go to war? If you say yes to the first but not to the second, then you were never serious and were only kidding yourself. All of these concerns and themes appeared again in the book as I was living them in my own way in my life, and so that made the book doubly satisfying.By the end of the book you realize that the book was only nominally about the porn industry, and instead it's a story of being alive.
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